Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Check It Out

http://becauseofthedragons.tumblr.com/

My new blog. Enjoy.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Happy

Happy

Happy is a marvelous emotion.

Happy is the crackle of the fire.

Happy is the perfect performance.

Happy is my dog.

Happy is a chocolate ice cream.

Happy is achieving something.

Happy is a warm beach.

Happy is flowers.

Happy is video games.

Happy is in Spanish.

Happy is a chickadee.

Happy is wonderful.

Happy is love.

Happy is families.

Happy is devotion.

Happy is teamwork.

Happy is you.

Happy is me.

Happy is them.

Happy is different.

Happy is suffering.

Happy is a starving lion cub.

Happy is a terrorist plot committed correctly.

Happy is a car crash.

Happy is heaven.

Happy is hell.

Happy is purgatory.

Happy is shooting your enemy in between the eyes.

Happy is a building collapsing.

Happy is a lost election.

Happy is a safe shelter.

Happy is a turtle on its back.

Happy is giving an F.

Happy is a hollow tree.

Happy is solitude.

Happy is painkillers.

Happy is alcohol.

Happy is weed.

Happy is a bank robbery.

Happy is a smaller fish.

Happy is flipping someone off.

Happy is rape.

Happy is gluttony.

Happy is sad.

Happy is depressing.

Happy is good.

Happy is death.

Happy is different to everybody.

Happy is getting used to it.

Happy is life.

Friday, April 24, 2009

S-A for OMS in BG by PJL

Perseverance has become an overlooked skill in today's society. With so many quitters, cheaters, schemers, and liars in life, there are a scarce handful of those who keep going when the going gets tough. The novella The Old Man and the Sea contains a man who truly possesses great perseverance when it comes to life’s troubles. The old man in question, also known as Santiago, is a fortitudinous man who struggles with the profession of a fisherman; even though he had gone for eighty-four strenuous and depressing days without a solitary fish, Santiago continues to vie for the catch that will save him from poverty. Not only must he try to snap the seemingly unbounded streak of fishlessness, he has to do battle with the merciless ocean.

Even with all of these obstacles in his way, Santiago still found a way to catch a fish; not just a fish, mind you, but the marlin of all marlin. “Then the fish came alive, with his death in him, and rose high out of the water showing all his great length and width and power and beauty”(94). The fact that an old man could somehow muster the strength and possess the cogency to pull in such a fish is, for lack of a better word, incredible. Perhaps the fact that he needed to catch this marlin explains the implausible ability to capture one giant of the deep.

Now then, the physical limitations of age were not the only thing keeping Santiago down. Once he had snared and practically hogtied (or marlin...tied) the fish to the side of his skiff, he noticed the elegance of this particular black marlin. “Never have I seen a greater or more beautiful or a calmer or more noble thing than you, [fish]” (92). So, he had to cope with his personal feelings for the fish. In a way, Santiago felt sorry for the trapped marlin. The old man was stricken with remorse and appreciated the marlin's iridescent complexion.

Adding to Santiago's emotional distress was the fact that he was known as a (I wish there was a more eloquent way to put this) a screw-up. However, the old man took to this reputation just as every awkward teenager is told to deal with a bully- he shook off the insults and went on his way. “Many of the fishermen made fun of the old man and he was not angry" (11). The old man's best friend, Manolin, had been working with him for sometime on his boat; now, because of a lack of eminence in the art of fishing, the boy's (Manolin's) parents forced him to leave the old man's side to find more work. This saddened Santiago but, nevertheless, he persevered.

Enough of the emotional stuff; Santiago also was forced to defend his catch from vicious predators looking for an easy meal of marlin. Specifically speaking; sharks wanting a quick blue plate special courtesy of one old man's efforts. “‘Ay,’ the old man said. ‘[Sharks]. Come on [sharks]’”(108). Alas, after all of Santiago's perseverance, he could not save most of the gorgeous fish's meat, or his release from a deep rut of failure. However, I do not mourn for Santiago's physical and mental well-being; he renewed his friendship with the boy, and told a tale of masterful angling which led to approval amongst the other fishers. So, after all of these trying ordeals, the old man went back to what he loves: fishing.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Short Story Draft 1



Random Story #6

There are many things in this world that make sense: calculus, the Style Network, and the Patriot Act, to name a few. Of course, there are a few instances existing that are completely random…and things really don’t make sense at these times. But, when you come across a situation that completely thwarts all capability for rational thought, you tend to enjoy the ride…this story is one of the aforementioned situations.

Paul enjoyed these days. Nothing allowed for his mind to release all the stress of everyday life more than a secluded ice fishing excursion to the placid reservoir outside of town. His Subaru was filled to the brim with gaunt albacore (the fish have very little to eat in the frigid months) spiked on his trusty gaff. These fish were not necessarily caught for food, as much as they were for show. Paul and his bevy of friends had a covert tournament set up, where the winning person receives a cash prize from a group pooling of cash, not to mention the right to abase the losers. The main flaw of this event was that most tended to...well, let's just say they were jealous of the victor.

There were six participating in the GFC, and Paul was currently trailing Otis by 27 fingerlings, as these fish tended to be quite young. However, with today’s catch, Paul would be irrevocably in the lead. He had caught 59 tuna on this frigid Wednesday morning in northern Minnesota, and was extolled by his friends upon his return to the apartment building, where they all had rooms on two adjacent floors. Paul slid the key into his apartment doorknob, and ventured into his dimly-lit apartment, only to find a message requesting him at a fellow fisher’s abode, named Allan, who was rather pudgy and owned a lot of flora, as he was incredibly struck by the rainforest of Panama after his previous vacation. So, Paul went next door and was immediately complimented for his fishing prowess.

“DUUUUDE! How did you reel in all these suckers?” questioned Allan, his neighbor placed juxtapositionally to his apartment.

“I dunno, man, I just made my way out there at, like, six ‘o’clock, and didn’t really get back until like, fifteen minutes ago…” answered Paul.

“You were out there for seven and a half hours? Man, that’s dedication to the challenge. Otis is gonna be pissed, though.”

Otis, a large man of dark skin, was not exactly a daunting person, but he did care about the annual tournament, which took place from February 1st to the 22nd. These six guys, (Allan, Paul, Otis, Sam, Gerald, and David) had participated in this tournament for seven years now, all the way through college. But, since Sam and David were moving away in the summer, this was the final year, so the pot was especially large- $1000.

“Man, you better get cracking if you’re gonna move out of last place; I don’t think that you want to deal with...whatever it is that we'll do to you.” Said Paul.

To clarify, whoever failed to break out of last place became subject to a rather cruel prank, always involving (you guessed it) fish. On the group outing, deceased fish were chucked at one another, followed by large amounts of punching. This was a rather awful tradition, but the guys sold the fish to vendors, so the GFC was profitable for all. (Sam won five years ago and woke up with twenty fish heads surrounding his pillow) Sam's bed was just one of the jokes; David was the winner 7 years ago, so he was subject to a romp around town in a large suit, which coincidentally looked like a large trout.

“I really hope this finish is an exciting one…” replied Allan.

The day was February 21st, and tension was in the air. Otis had reclaimed the lead from Paul, who now resided in third, thanks to Gerald’s fishing prowess. In accordance with the earlier years, this was the Marathon Day. Paul was followed by Sam, David, and Allan brought up the rear.

“You’re goin’ down, Otis!” bellowed Gerald, as he was incredibly cocky.

“If you beat me, I will spike your head through the ice on the lake, man.”

Sam and David never really said much, so they were always the dark horses in the GFC. They had all packed into Otis’s mahogany colored Suburban, and Allan was becoming increasingly worried about the Punishment, so he had a plan…

“Yo, Paul, who you thinks gonna claim victory this year? Me, right?” shouted Gerald over the radio, which was blasting some of Otis’s favorite salsa music.

“Don’t get your hopes up, dude, I think I might make a run at this. My new GPS system can actually cast a sonar wave and find fish under the ice.” replied Paul.
“Just because you’ve got some technology mumbo-jumbo don’t mean anything, Paul. But I can predict one thing; ALLAN’S GONNA LOOOOOSE!”

“Shut the hell up, man.” muttered Allan from the back seat of the SUV.

The men arrived at Lake Latoka, the final designated ice fishing spot. Paul jumped out of the truck, ready to make a heroic comeback. He and Allan proceeded to the right side of the lake, and set up shop on the undulate shore of the crystalline waters. The barred fish swam back and forth through the reasonably shoal waters, and Paul stared at the cirrus clouds above. It was time to fish like never before. (cue the Eye of the Tiger song)

After two hours, Gerald had overtaken Otis, and Paul trailed The O by only 4 fish. Allan was growing incredibly nervous, as he did not want to be pranked or humiliated.

"Come ON, fish! Bite the f'n hook!" he yelled into the lake.
"Calm down, Al; it's just a fun tournament." said Paul.
"SHUT UP, MAN! I FREAKING HATE ALL OF THIS PRESSURE! GOD!" screamed Allan as he stormed away.
"Holy crap..." muttered Paul.
The tournament had raged on for another 4 1/2 hours, and there had been many dramatic events. Otis, Gerald, and Paul had all switched places varying from first to third. With only thirty minutes left in the history of the Go Fish! Challenge, Paul was in third trailing Gerald by 7 fish, and Gerald himself lacking behind Otis, who was ahead by 4 of the angled prey.
"OH! Ow! What the f*ck!?"
Paul scanned the Latoka to see where the anguished cry had come from. It was Gerald, who had been stung by a large bee. Being that Gerald was allergic to bees, he was taken to the hospital by Sam, who was in fifth, beating Allan by twenty fish.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Five minutes left!" bellowed David from across the lake.
Otis and Paul were both tied with little time left in the GFC, and bith were racing to the finish. The field (or lake, as it was) was split into two sections, the west half for Otis, and the Eastern side for Paul.
"You're in trouble, Paulie-boy!" shouted Otis from across the lake.
"Keep dreaming, big man!" replied Paul.
Paul had placed his lucky lure on the fishing hook, and the final face-off began.
*Author's note- To be honest, it is very difficult to show suspense in five minutes worth of fishing; so, we'll just skip ahead to the climactic ending--
"10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...FINISH!" Shouted David.
"No one caught anything...Dang." said Allan.
"Well, that was very anti-climactic. What happened, O?" yelled Paul.
"I dunno, man, I guess we fished out the Lakota this year." Otis proclaimed back.
The 4 remaining competitors met up with Sam and Gerald at Abbot Northwestern Hospital to reveal the results.
"Well, guys, this was a pretty great year. As you all know, we had a tie for first place between Paulie and The Big O, so they will do what they will with the thousand clams." announced Sam.
After a brief yet hearty discussion, Otis and Paul decided to give the money back to the participants of the GFC, as a parting gift. This was a true sign of friendship to many involved.
"Also, just so everyone knows: Allan," said Gerald in his morphine-induced state of hysteria, "we've decided not to humiliate you."
"Wow...thanks guys. You have no idea how much this means to me...I'm gonna go get some water, ok?" gushed Allan.
Bang! A flying bedpan hurled by David (hiding in the hallway) struck Allan in the forehead, causing delight to fall upon his friends. They had been friends throughout, and their story was a nice one.
(Now then, wasn't that rather random?"

Sunday, December 14, 2008

2nd Quarter ORB Review

First of all, the following review is written for two books because, by themselves, they do not provide enough depth for the ORB Presentation guidelines. Now then, as fate would have it, Douglas Adams wrote the two books back to back, and the two could basically be combined into one novel. The protagonist in the two books is Arthur Dent, a mild-mannered human living on Earth when (conveniently) his home planet is in line to be destroyed to create a hyperspace freeway. This is pure irony being that his house was also planned to be destroyed for a non-hyperspace, every day Earth type of freeway. He is whisked away by his friend Ford Prefect, and the two “hitchhike” their way onto a starship. After an unfortunate discharge into open space via a Vogon airlock, the two meet Zaphod Beeblebrox (the President of the Galaxy, escaping from stealing a Golden spaceship) and a few others; and all of the characters go on some less than pleasant adventures.
“They’re those kind of books you just want to pick up and hug it to bits. The turns of phrases are so different, they throw you off the sentence and you have to read it again to fully appreciate it,” says Hannah Dooling of sffworld.com, “[The books] have provided endless hilarious days quoting it to my classmates and pissing off my teachers, who I have insisted to, that the answer to any of their questions is 42.”
For your information, these books were written by a man who was once admitted to a mental institution, and the books certainly reflect Adams’ randomness. His is truly an odd style of writing, full of twists and obscure references to aliens and planets unmentioned previously in the books. However, Adams maintains the fact that he is an Earthling and he does stay with a storyline. But, as also in his other books (Life, the Universe, and Everything/ So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish/ Mostly Harmless) the odd yet wonderfully composed sections about things us humans understand are hilarious.
“For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons.Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for tidbits, so they eventually gave up and left the Earth by their own means shortly before the Vogons arrived.The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the 'Star Spangled Banner', but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.” (113)
These books have provided a generation with a source for clever and spontaneous writing. I particularly enjoyed these two books, and am currently reading the rest of the “trilogy”. I strongly recommend readers to indulge in these books, especially if you enjoy complete absurdity. Even though Mr. Adams is now dead, he knew the meaning of life: 42.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Ohh...the Stupidity



Are you kidding me, South Carolina?!?!?

_peter

Achmed the Dead Terrorist



Ha Ha Ha...funny.

_peter